GliderCENTRAL

Terrified of my male

Posted By: Anonymous

Terrified of my male - 12/08/11 06:12 PM

I got my two little fuzzybutts about 5 days ago. I've worn them in our bonding pouch for 2 days, today will be the third. The female is really sweet and calm, but the male lunges at my face when I open their cage door.. He crabs and lunges at me even if I sit about half a foot away from their cage. I talk to him through the cage and massage him through the bonding pouch but I can't get in the cage to pick them up unless they are asleep. He really scares the crap out of me and I'm terrified of getting bitten. I dont want to flinch or act scared when he lunges at me.. I mean he's just a little thing.. but its instinctual.. I have no idea how to calm myself down. Should I use gloves when I reach in the cage? I find every time I'm opening the cage now I'm very scared of him.. even when he's in his blanket sleeping! Is it normal to be so fearful of your sugar glider?
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/08/11 06:17 PM

You'd be surprised how many people are scared of these little itty bitties. smile But please remember something. He is NOT mean. He's terrified, and he's acting that way because of his fear.

Right now, what he needs is for you to back up a bit. Don't reach into the cage, don't try to hold him. In fact, he may not even be ready for the bonding pouch quite yet because he's still unsure of you. Gliders take a lot of patience, more than most people know, and building a relationship with them takes a good bit of time.

Here's a great link for you to read - it will give you an idea of what your male is going through right now as he looks at you.

Building A Relationship With Your Glider

Don't use gloves, they aren't necessary because right now, you don't want to put your hands in where he can bite them. By doing so, he's reacting instinctively, as well and is going to fight those hands off.

If he's sleeping in a blankie, then he can't see you. You may want to consider using an open environment pouch for a bit, until he learns to trust a bit more.
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/08/11 06:38 PM

Thank you! I'm so diappointed in myself. I went to the cage, opened it.. thought about picking them up to put them in the bonding pouch got scared closed the door cried and came back to the msg you left. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one afraid of my baby. I think I will try to just talk to them through the cage and see how he reacts to me after a few days. Should I tryy just sitting near the cage talking and moving a bit to get him used to my movements and sounds? How will he learn to trust me if I don't have him in the pouch to smell me?
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/08/11 06:49 PM

Sitting by the cage and talking to him is a great idea. He just needs to learn that you're okay and that you aren't going to hurt him. YOU know this, but he doesn't so he needs the reassurance. So tell him. smile You have plenty of time for him to get to know you - remember that these little guys live for several years and he'll be a part of your family for that long. So there's no need to rush and if you try to, it will only move you backwards. And believe me, your smell is not the only thing he needs to learn when it comes to trust - more so, he has to know that when your hand goes in that cage, you aren't going to grab him with it to hurt him. Treats will go a long way but at this point, it's early - don't worry about those quite yet. He needs to understand that when you open that cage door, you're only there to comfort him. And as you do that more and more - opening the door of the cage, putting food in, giving treats, petting him gently (in time), he'll realize, "hey, she's okay - so far she hasn't hurt me" and he'll begin to let his guard down. It isn't always easy, but it DOES work and even those little baby steps will make your heart soar. smile

I'm going to send you a PM - look for the flashing envelope at the top of the page.
Posted By: yiyo

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/08/11 06:55 PM

You've gotten great advice from Aimee!

When I first got mine I was terrified of him also. And I was bitten every day because I was trying to move too quickly for him. Once I slowed down and learned to listen to him and moved at HIS pace, the process turned in the right direction.

Keep reading and asking questions and you're gonna do just fine wink
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/08/11 07:24 PM

Thank you yiyo smile I'm hoping Aimee will help me be the best mommy I can for him. I feel bad I've been pushing him too fast. The girl is very sweet and seems to not be afraid of me at all but I dont want to split them up and work with her while he's left alone in the cage wondering why she's gone. I wish I could have done more research before we brought them home, I have no idea who to trust on the internet.. everyone seems to be saying the place we got them from has bad methods of raising the babies.. And the people we got them from are saying if we do what the other people tell us to our babies will get stressed and sick and maybe die. I'm scared frown
Posted By: yiyo

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/08/11 07:33 PM

I'm sending a PM now.
Posted By: sitkasmom

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/08/11 07:33 PM

Just take it slow. Don't stress so much. your babies will feel the stress from you and become stressed. People here have babies from all over. I have two rescues myself.

The people here give advice from the heart. There are many people on here that have had these little boogers for years.

My advice stick here! Ask any question!

The only stupid question is one that isn't asked!

Read, Read, Read!!

Take it easy, you are supposed to be enjoying these little worm snarfers... smile
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/08/11 07:37 PM

Thanks sitkasmom, I joined this forum because it seemed like a lot of the posters have healthy happy sugar babies for quite a few years now. I want whats best for them, and seeing the people on here have such great results makes me question the information I've been given by the people we got our lovies from. I'm hoping whatever I'm doing wrong now I can fix quickly!
Posted By: norton33

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/08/11 07:57 PM

When I first got ours, it was a random thing. Just happened that the vet my mom works at had someone come in that couldn't keep them anymore while I happen to be visiting! Same idea - I didn't know much about them at all. I actually was going to a different site in the beginning - but as I kept researching, moved from one site, to another forum, etc etc... until I got to this one. There really is the best and most reliable information (in my opinion) here on GliderCentral. Not only that, the people here are more of a community than just a forum / bulletin board. There are emergency contacts, vets, etc. You definitely are in the right place.

Oh and for what it's worth, I consider myself to be a pretty tough dude, and I was scared of ours at first too... and would pull away just at the sound of a crab real quick, forget seeing the lunge lol. Don't stress. I tried to move too fast with Norton (who was scared of us, always crabbing and lunging) in the beginning, and now, a year later, I think I've made more progress with him than with the one that wasn't afraid of me at all in the beginning.

Patience goes a long way.

OH, and as far as leaving him in the cage while taking her out - he'll be ok. You can work with each of them at their own paces. :]
Posted By: Mastiff_Mama

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/08/11 09:13 PM

My very first pair were the same way. They were both fear bitters, and they crabbed everytime I would breath in another room. I was scared to get bitten too, but I can honestly say I have only been bitten maybe 2 times by them. ZERO from our other pairs. Between us learning the correct way to bond with them AND getting our other gliders from reputable breeders, we have yet to be in those shoes again.

Our oldest pair is now over 4 years old, and they run to the door when we come to play with them. It is a shame that the breeder they came from is still "cranking" our joeys and not touching them until someone is there to take them home.

I remember when I went to pick up Laverne & Shirley, he let Shirley dangle by her tail and she screamed. She bit him so hard on the palm of his hand that I almost said NO since I was deathly afraid of them. I let them sit for almost a week before I started talking to them. Now, I am SO glad she bit him, just because he deserved it!!!!

You need to SHOW love in order to RECEIVE it!
Posted By: sitkasmom

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/08/11 09:37 PM

I wasn't scared of Nanuk until he reached through the bars of his cage and smacked my boxer on the nose... and this was his first night home with me...

I thought, Jeez if this little boogers gonna do that to a DOG thats 1,000 times his size, whats he gonna do to my little fingers??

He's only nipped me a couple of times actually and it wasnt all that bad. Just enough to let me know "Hey Sister, dont push it!"
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 12:54 AM

LoL it seems silly to be afraid of such a little guy doesnt it? I hope for both our sakes I can conquer my fear and only go as fast as he's ready to go. How do you suggest picking up the female who isnt so fearful of me while he's in the cage though? He's super protective of her.
Posted By: heidi

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 12:55 AM

dc muffin gave great advice...you may want to where aa old shirt and put around there cage too..so they get use to your sent...tom will where strips of fleese when he works out andput it in there cage..talking to them is a very good thing to do..try to give treets threw the bars..you can read to them or sing to them ..if you have a tent you can sit there read a book and let them investigate you on there terms..this is a long prossess.so sit on something..sor your butts sake. but you can not move..tet them jump omn you sent you up..and i whould where a baseball hat to limit face hugs...but please read the bonding link dc muffin gave..good luck and keep up the good work
Posted By: sitkasmom

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 12:56 AM

Let HER climb in your hand. Dont grab her. She might not let you pick her up. Just see if she will sit in your hand to eat a treat. He might see her doing it and get the idea wink
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 12:56 AM

Right now, I'd back off on both of them and just give them some space to get used to things. And honestly, once you begin working with them, you'll want to work more closely with him anyway, because he's the one that will be harder to work with. So for now, I say talk to them, reassure them that they're safe and okay and in a couple more days, you can start working slowly with them.
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 01:21 AM

Thanks guys smile I can see an improvement with him already. He lets me sit next to his cage to talk to him without lunging at my face or crabbing! He barely even pauses now when I move around. Just a quick pause and look then he goes back to his business. I think he enjoyed staying in his cage today instead of being in our bonding pouch. She's been sleeping all day, so I havent seen much of her except when she comes out to eat or drink.
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 01:26 AM

You will continue to notice a difference if you take your time like this and move slowly. My advice, for the next couple of days at least, is to just talk to him. You can go to the cage during the day - do your daily thing. Make noise, open the cage and close it again so they know you're there and that even though you're moving around them and doing things in their cage, that you are NOT going to grab for them or hurt them. They NEED this. The bonding, touching, petting and the rest of it can come later. Right now, your only job is to make sure they feel safe where they are. smile
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 01:30 AM

What if he lunges at me when I go to touch his "things"? frown Should I just keep my hand still or slowly take it out? (Knowing how scared I am of him I'll probably jerk even though I keep telling myself not to)
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 01:41 AM

Your reaction will be to bring your hand back. It's okay! Don't feel bad about that and you do NOT have to take a bite from him, that's for sure!

Remember what I told you - feed them when they are still sleeping, this will help with him being scared and protecting himself (and her) when you put the food dishes in. Also...when you DO go in there, be confident. Don't go slowly. Don't be nervous or hesitate. Gliders feel what we are feeling, so if you are hesitant, he'll know it and believe me, he'll let you KNOW that he knows. So, open the door, put your hand in, put the food in, take your hand out and close the cage. If he lunges, just make sure that you don't have fingers outstretched. If it's towards your arm or the back of your hand, he's going to bump his nose on you but he won't bite it.

You're going to do just fine. smile
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 01:55 AM

Aimee I think I'm falling in love with you :lshower:
You've been so helpful! Thank you smile Tomorrow I will try to take their bowl out even if he's awake. You guys have all been so supportive :ghug:
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 02:03 AM

As I said, I'm here for whatever you need. I want you to be as successful as possible with these two and in time, you WILL be. I promise you, things will get better and they will get easier. Just a few changes and you'll be on your way!
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 06:00 AM

hehe well I finally got bit frown Feeding him yogurt from a spoon was working so great I decided to try to feed him a bit from my finger just to see if he'd bite or if he'd be nice about it cause it tasted yummy.. He licked, then bit and crabbed! I yelped lmao but quickly got myself under control and told him it was okay and he would be just fine. Kept talking to him soothingly and offered the spoon again and he went back to his yogurt.

At least now I know what a bite feels like!! :roflmao2:
Posted By: Sugaree

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 07:21 AM

LOL.. dont yell when you get bitten.. also dont show that you are scared of him.. Gliders can sense if you are scared..

Bites are no fun.. but trust me! As they slowly gain your trust.. it certainly is very very rewarding. You are only into your first few days smile When i had my first rescue, she was utterly wild.. She took me 8 months to be fully bonded with smile

I am not trying to scare you off hun lol.. But it can take time, just be patient and it will be all fun! Also different gliders have different characteristics, some adept real quick, some just need more time.. so hang in ther! :D
Posted By: yiyo

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 01:12 PM


:thumb: You've gotten great advice from Aimee, as always!

Also, when you give the yogurt from your finger, you have to be very quick to "re-apply" more. Once the yogurt is gone, he'll bite trying to get more, not necessarily in agression wink
Posted By: Mastiff_Mama

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 01:19 PM

Originally Posted By: yiyo

:thumb: You've gotten great advice from Aimee, as always!

Also, when you give the yogurt from your finger, you have to be very quick to "re-apply" more. Once the yogurt is gone, he'll bite trying to get more, not necessarily in agression wink


This is so true. Once the sap is gone on a branch they are licking in the wild, they will "bite down" to release more sap. Just think of it as him biting as an automatic refill button.
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 02:44 PM

Remember, don't push the limits - he's not ready for it off your finger yet. So when he bites, he's scared and is defending himself. Step back, don't forget that - it's not time yet and each time you move forward too quickly, it will take you backwards another step. He needs time. I can't say that enough.
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/09/11 04:55 PM

Well.. I didnt really yell.. it was more of a squeak of surprise. I'm glad at least I know what it feels like. But I'll be sticking to keeping my finger away from his mouth for a long while rofl

I draped my t-shirt I wore yesterday over the cage last night and have been giving them distance, havent put them in the bonding pouch or anything. He's semi-awake now so I think I'll try to reach in and take away their apple pieces. Wish me luck he doesnt wake up and attack me again. *siiighhhh* I'm a scaredy baby.
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/10/11 03:29 AM

I love watching my little ones play with each other smile So cute. I got my yogurt spoon out and put it up to the bars, they were flipping around and pushing eachother out of the way just to get a lick! LOL It was so darn cute. Of course I'd move it away from one and to the other when they needed a turn. I talked to them while they ate and my male sat for 5 minutes after I took the spoon away wondering if I was going to give him any more!!! He didnt run away as soon as it was done with. Plus he didnt crab or jump toward the cage when I put the spoon to it. I think he's starting to see that I'm indeed his "ice-cream man". Hopefully he continues to tolerate me until he realizes he really does love me too <3 :lshower:
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/10/11 03:32 AM

Glad to hear he's not seeming so skittish. I'm gonna say, though, that you don't want to feed them through the cage bars, even if it is only a spoon. This will actually encourage them to be aggressive through the cage bars. Sorry!! lol
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/10/11 02:08 PM

frown Noooooooo... Its my only hope to not get bitten! :hbreak:

Should I open the cage door and feed them the yogurt?

See? This is why I need you guys so bad. I'm utterly hopeless.... :willy:
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/10/11 03:18 PM

No, it's NOT your only option. And you are NOT hopeless. But I'm sorry, my dear, you don't want to do it through the cage bars. After a couple of days, what is his reaction when you open the cage? Does he still lunge and crab at you? If so, I can't stress enough that the treats are NOT the most important thing right now.
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/10/11 03:28 PM

I'm not sure yet. I've been trying to give him time to de-stress. I only open the cage to get their food and apples and stuff taken care of everyday. Otherwise I leave them be and just sit next to the cage to talk with them.

Should I try opening the cage door today without putting anything in the cage?

When he gets scared of noises other people make in the house and I talk calmly to him he immediately goes back to what he was doing instead of staring at me like "wth are you looking at me for?" like he used too. Almost as if he thinks my voice is reassuring now. :D
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/10/11 03:35 PM

Good, I'm glad you're giving him time. That's what he needs. Bourbon (a long time member here) would tell you to go to the cage, open the door, tell him everything is going to be okay, then shut the door again. Then do this several times throughout the day and nothing more. Her theory is that it lets them know that you're their protector. It does work.
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/10/11 03:56 PM

She told me to call her, I should get around to that today. I tried opening the door and all JubJub did was take a step back and look at me. So I told him it was okay and shut the door again. No lunging so far!
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/10/11 04:21 PM

Excellent!
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/10/11 04:24 PM

I'm so excited!! Even this little bit of trust is such a big relief to me. He was so scared of me just two days ago that if I went near his cage he'd crab and lunge. Now I can sit by his cage and talk to him whenever I please and he just does his thing.

I'm sure things will only get better now. Thank you Aimee for all your help, your advice has had such quick results! I called Bourbon and she said she'd call back in an hour smile
Posted By: ShazMom

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/10/11 04:55 PM

clap

Congratulations on your progress! Aimee and Bourbon are awesome!

I have a lunge and crabber myself! Jasper has taken over a year to get much calmer. He is and forever will be my pouch grouch! but, until I got on here and talked with Bourbon and Aimee and all the other suggie owners, I would have never been able to get my boy out and play with him.

I have 4 boys and they are all soooo different!

You will do fine with your lil one. Just remember to be patient and give him time. You will love the reward of it!
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/11/11 12:20 AM

Does anyone. Have tips on how to put snacks in their cage? Overhand or underhand?
Posted By: AmandaSnyder

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/11/11 12:31 AM

Usually mine come up to the bars but when its a new sug then i do underhand and have my hand open they usually put there paws on my fingers and grab it with there mouth and if there really scared i just hold it with my thumb and pointer finger and put it close to them till they grab it
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/11/11 01:46 AM

You can also make your hand into a fist and put the treat on top of your hand.
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/11/11 04:30 AM

Will the on top the hand fist thing stop JubJub from biting? LOL! That would be beautiful <3
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/11/11 04:32 AM

btw Aimee I bought fleece for them today and made a comfy little blankie for them like you suggested. The shirt I had a bit of trouble trying to figure out how to get it out of the cage but my lovebutts fell asleep in their food bowl curled up together which gave me a chance to sneak it out! YAAAY!
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/11/11 05:22 AM

Yayy, glad you got it out of there. clap I'm glad to hear you got some fleece, that's excellent. They'll thank you for it and you won't have to worry about little fingers and toes getting stuck in the threads (although - you DO need to trim their nails, don't forget!!).

The top of the hand will not encourage them to bite. Keep a closed fist so there are no fingers extended. But again...give it time...don't push this. I can't stress enough that they need to be able to trust you just going to the cage and that treats can come in a bit, once you've established that trust. smile
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/11/11 02:50 PM

Oooh. Do I trim them now or when he trusts me to do it? I don't want to force him and scare the crapola out of him.
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/11/11 03:06 PM

That is all going to depend on his nails. It's one thing you'll want to pay special attention to. Overgrown nails can cause a host of problems. They can split, they can grow around and into their little hands and feet and they can get caught on things in their cage. If you see them getting caught, you'll want to trim them. They don't all like it, especially those that aren't trusting, but it's necessary.

Depending on the wheel you have, some have inserts that you can use to help keep the tips down a bit but they should never substitute nail trims. And, if you aren't comfortable with doing it, you can have the vet do it for a small charge.

As far as it hurting your relationship - if you do it yourself, he won't like it, that's no secret. He will also probably be mad at you for a bit, but he'll get over it. Better to have him angry than hurt.
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/13/11 01:11 AM

Should I be opening the cage at night when they are up and about?
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/13/11 06:09 AM

No. Leave them be to play at night, door closed. If you go in there, talk to them. That's fine. But otherwise, for now, let them have their play time. smile
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/13/11 04:26 PM

Thanks Aimee smile they don't get up much in the day so I didn't know if opening the cage while they slept was helping anything or just wasted time lmao
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/13/11 04:32 PM

You'd be surprised. They're supposed to sleep. But that doesn't mean they don't hear. And, if you are opening the cage during the day and they aren't moving or getting upset, that's an absolutely WONDERFUL thing and means they're getting used to you. So don't stop that...let them know you're there and that you aren't going anywhere. smile
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/13/11 04:41 PM

When JubJub is up and I open the cage to tell him its going to be alright he doesnt really move at all. He stares at me for a moment then I close the door and he goes back to eating or drinking.
Posted By: hypnotist321

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/13/11 05:07 PM

Stopping to look at you is better than crabbing or running to hide :-)
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/13/11 05:41 PM

That is the truth!!! Makes me smile everytime he decides to look instead of taste :rofl2:

I have high hopes he's coming around for me, maybe accepting me little by little into his colony/family :lshower:
Posted By: EJB17

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/16/11 01:22 AM

Originally Posted By: Mastiff_Mama


This is so true. Once the sap is gone on a branch they are licking in the wild, they will "bite down" to release more sap. Just think of it as him biting as an automatic refill button.


YUP! My girl loves honey and although she won't let anyone hold her she loves to hold your finger and lick honey off... and my friends love giving her honey this way because its so sweet... until the honey is gone and she gives them a little chomp! LOL
Posted By: amelia

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/16/11 08:12 AM

I've had one for a month now that I'm still wary of. She might bite me!! you aren't alone, and this is the best place for you. We can get over our fears, and by we I mean gliders included.
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/16/11 05:04 PM

Thanks Amelia, I'm still scared of reaching in the cage while he's awake. But he seems much more interested in me then he was in the beginning!
Posted By: ColonyMama

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/16/11 06:40 PM

I hope is gets better very fast for you. I get leary sometimes with mine too.
Posted By: DCMuffin

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/16/11 08:45 PM

Originally Posted By: kbishness
Thanks Amelia, I'm still scared of reaching in the cage while he's awake. But he seems much more interested in me then he was in the beginning!

Keep in mind that your reservations and nervousness will show and he will react the same. If you're nervous, he will be, too and he'll sense that you're hesitating. Be confident. smile
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Terrified of my male - 12/16/11 11:54 PM

LoL dang, Aimee caught me being a nervous momma frown

I dont know why I'm so scared, I think its because when we got my babies we were told they wouldnt bite and that they would always be gentle and loving, and I got bit and lunged at as soon as I got them home HAHA!! So now I'm not trusting my confidence anymore. I got some mealies to give him as a peace offering. Hopefully he'll think mommy is starting to be pretty cool. rofl

Plus with Aimee's Monkey Cliner I know he'll be more comfortable in the cage and stop sleeping in his food bowl all day :rofl2:
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